The last post I wrote I have reread a few times and while the story is pretty interesting, the complaining and poor pitiful Justin crap I wrote at the end made me sound like PLB (poor little B, for those not up to speed with the Dearing acronyms we use in this house). So I have been hitting it hard for the last week, my eating has began to come back under control... not perfect at all yet but it is WAY better than it was. I have been to the gym, I have ran, and I have been back to the boot camp.
Again, my motivation for all this is to be a healthier me, a healthy dad, and overall happier person. I am pretty dang happy as it is, but the stressing of teaching hormonal and sometimes disrespectful high school aged (notice I say aged, rarely do they act as old as the number states) looms right around the corner and I need to get my defenses and habits in place for when the stress hits. That being said, I was talking with my trainer/buddy after camp the other night and he mentioned he was ready to take me to a new workout. He mentioned that he worked with an MMA studio and asked if I wanted to relieve some stress and hit something... I said of course! So tonight I head into this MMA studio, nowhere near the place physically that I need to be to remotely hang with these guys. I will get to practice striking, grapplings, and all sorts of other stuff... and even may get a shot to spar, not sure! Here's to hoping I don't puke (or if I do, I at least make it look respectable) and also I don't just get my ass kicked too insanely bad. I love watching the UFC fights and always would say it would be fun to do... here goes nothing!
-Dearing
Thursday, July 12, 2012
Monday, July 2, 2012
Good News and Bad News
Not that anyone reads this thing since I post once a year basically now, but I am sitting at Barnes and Noble at the Parks Mall reading and listening to some music and I realized that the last year has been pretty crazy. I just celebrated one year of marriage with Caty, I got to go through quit possibly the toughest two or three months of my life with her and now we are sitting six months from the delivery date for our first child together. Yup, January 12th, I will become a father. This whole father business has had me thinking alot over the last 6 or 7 months. We went through what many couples go through earlier this year, and though I don't want to get into too great of detail, it pretty much shattered both of our worlds when we found out that our excitement was premature.
Dealing with that definitely something that I did not expect to go through in the first year of marriage but in the long run it has made Caty and I better. We are closer, we communicate better and we no longer take many things for granted.
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I didn't set out for this update to be a somber reminder of the crap we have endure in the last year to get to this point at all, I actually want to look at one of the best things that has happened in the last year. The thought of having a kid really woke me up to something I have complained and failed miserably at over the past few years and on even in previous posts on this blog. I looked at a picture of me from the first day of school that we took because a buddy and I basically wore the same shirt and tie combo and everyone thought it was hilarious. The picture here was taken in September, and I thought it was funny. Then a few months later around my birthday, I saw this hideous mess again and was embarrassed. I have never been the in shape, ripped up guy... but I haven't ever really been what I saw in that picture either. Now I realize that at 280 in this picture it was nothing like some others including one of my closest friends Blake have gone through, but it kinda pissed me off. Check out Blake's Story at gettingmylifeback.net. Every person's story is different and 5 pounds can mean as much to someone as 150 pounds can in my opinion. Blake's story is quite amazing and I still remember when he weighed in under what I was weighing and he called me a fatass... I wasn't mad at him.
Anyways, I started thinking about turning 30 and eventually (at this point it was still in the far off future) about wanting to be a healthy dad both spiritually and physically. I set out and may have blogged about being "Fit by 30", whatever that meant... And I hit weight watchers and the gym hardcore. It worked, I dropped 9 or 10 pounds in the first week. I found the miracle of losing weight. It only took 2 months to get to a point that I felt like I didn't need to track my meals, because I was 20 pounds down and I obviously have mastered that. Off the wagon again, luckily I didn't just totally dive back in. During this time of being down 20 or so pounds, I ran in a 5K in Mansfield with a friend from church and got a respectable time I thought at 38 minutes. Not bad for not running a race in over a year. The last half mile of that race I ran with my friend who had finished and came back onto the course to finish with me. I have ran three 5k's including the one I am talking about since I started thinking of changing my habits and I can say one thing is always a constant, whether it is exhaustion or just pure shock, I get emotional towards the end of the race... I just have trouble being confident in myself to be able to do anything other than play baseball and lift semi-heavy weights when it comes to athleticism. I do not like running. I am confident in almost all areas of my life but my appearance and my athletic ability anywhere other than a baseball field (and based on my stats the last few years, I should probably stop being so confident there! Ha). So I finished that race and felt amazing... I was back on track.... for a week or two until Christmas holiday hit and it got ugly. We found out we were pregnant and we celebrated, then Christmas hit and we celebrated that 7 or 8 times, then New Years hit and we celebrated that a few times... It was not good.
Gained some weight... like most people do. Got pissed off and signed up for Camp Gladiator off of a Groupon I got in my email. Went to my first camp and was afraid of being the fat guy that puked first. Then this insanely ripped up black guy started barking orders and I was doing the workout, I was hanging in there... I kept doing the boot camp for a month and then the bad news hit about the pregnancy. We went into recovery mode... We sheltered down for a few weeks and made sure that we took care of each other first before we worried about ourselves. Insanely tough time but also really revealed who would be there for us through thick and thin. I was furious, I made stupid comments to people and really hurt some friendships because I didn't know how to deal with our situation too well let alone the pain others were experiencing. After a few weeks Caty decided she needed something to get her mind off of the last few weeks and she signed up for CG with me for the next month and she loved it. We were eating healthy and working out and feeling better. The weight loss was coming back SLOWLY, but it was coming. We split from CG to work out with the aforementioned ripped black dude when he left CG and it was a great choice. he has been a good mentor and friend to me and a great recovery for Caty. He claims I am his project... We will see...
We have since found out that we are pregnant and we have seen multiple ultrasounds and pictures and heartbeats and everything is looking great. We made a semi switch to paleo style eating for awhile, but with a pregnant wife thats tough. The lowest I have gotten in my weight loss is 239 and it was right before we found out about the new baby. There have been celebrations, vacations, work trips, and stupid sabotaging since we found out and the motivation to be a healthy dad is still very much there... part of the time...
.JPG)
The good news is I am still down 23 pounds, the bad news is I just am at a point where I need to reignite the fire to get it done. I am not typing this to get a "oMG Justin you are doing so good" or "Go Get Em" or anything like that... I realized that there was a bit of anger with myself when I skipped my bootcamp tonight for some bullsh reason I made up (tired and the truck doesn't have a headlight) and I needed to get things off of my chest. Do I feel better than I did 10 months ago? Yes, and that is all that matters I know, but I have a KID coming and I want to be healthy, but I am so unmotivated right now. I need someone to slap me or something.
I am currently weighing in at 247, with a goal of 220 by my birthday in October. I ran in my third 5k since the weight loss started last week and I finished in 32 minutes and again I was alittle emotional crossing the finish line... Call me a Pansy if you want, but again the thought of being able to do that still baffles me. The picture is from the finish line of that race. I want to do a half marathon but I am scared. We ran with weights one night at boot camp and I was running with two 15 pound kettlebells and I couldn't believe that I used to do that everywhere I went. So uncomfortable. I guess I just wanted to unload tonight instead of looking at business manuals on growing my company. If you have faced this blah feeling and conquered it please let me know how you did it... I am tired of being disappointed in myself.
Dealing with that definitely something that I did not expect to go through in the first year of marriage but in the long run it has made Caty and I better. We are closer, we communicate better and we no longer take many things for granted.
.JPG)
Anyways, I started thinking about turning 30 and eventually (at this point it was still in the far off future) about wanting to be a healthy dad both spiritually and physically. I set out and may have blogged about being "Fit by 30", whatever that meant... And I hit weight watchers and the gym hardcore. It worked, I dropped 9 or 10 pounds in the first week. I found the miracle of losing weight. It only took 2 months to get to a point that I felt like I didn't need to track my meals, because I was 20 pounds down and I obviously have mastered that. Off the wagon again, luckily I didn't just totally dive back in. During this time of being down 20 or so pounds, I ran in a 5K in Mansfield with a friend from church and got a respectable time I thought at 38 minutes. Not bad for not running a race in over a year. The last half mile of that race I ran with my friend who had finished and came back onto the course to finish with me. I have ran three 5k's including the one I am talking about since I started thinking of changing my habits and I can say one thing is always a constant, whether it is exhaustion or just pure shock, I get emotional towards the end of the race... I just have trouble being confident in myself to be able to do anything other than play baseball and lift semi-heavy weights when it comes to athleticism. I do not like running. I am confident in almost all areas of my life but my appearance and my athletic ability anywhere other than a baseball field (and based on my stats the last few years, I should probably stop being so confident there! Ha). So I finished that race and felt amazing... I was back on track.... for a week or two until Christmas holiday hit and it got ugly. We found out we were pregnant and we celebrated, then Christmas hit and we celebrated that 7 or 8 times, then New Years hit and we celebrated that a few times... It was not good.
Gained some weight... like most people do. Got pissed off and signed up for Camp Gladiator off of a Groupon I got in my email. Went to my first camp and was afraid of being the fat guy that puked first. Then this insanely ripped up black guy started barking orders and I was doing the workout, I was hanging in there... I kept doing the boot camp for a month and then the bad news hit about the pregnancy. We went into recovery mode... We sheltered down for a few weeks and made sure that we took care of each other first before we worried about ourselves. Insanely tough time but also really revealed who would be there for us through thick and thin. I was furious, I made stupid comments to people and really hurt some friendships because I didn't know how to deal with our situation too well let alone the pain others were experiencing. After a few weeks Caty decided she needed something to get her mind off of the last few weeks and she signed up for CG with me for the next month and she loved it. We were eating healthy and working out and feeling better. The weight loss was coming back SLOWLY, but it was coming. We split from CG to work out with the aforementioned ripped black dude when he left CG and it was a great choice. he has been a good mentor and friend to me and a great recovery for Caty. He claims I am his project... We will see...
We have since found out that we are pregnant and we have seen multiple ultrasounds and pictures and heartbeats and everything is looking great. We made a semi switch to paleo style eating for awhile, but with a pregnant wife thats tough. The lowest I have gotten in my weight loss is 239 and it was right before we found out about the new baby. There have been celebrations, vacations, work trips, and stupid sabotaging since we found out and the motivation to be a healthy dad is still very much there... part of the time...
.JPG)
The good news is I am still down 23 pounds, the bad news is I just am at a point where I need to reignite the fire to get it done. I am not typing this to get a "oMG Justin you are doing so good" or "Go Get Em" or anything like that... I realized that there was a bit of anger with myself when I skipped my bootcamp tonight for some bullsh reason I made up (tired and the truck doesn't have a headlight) and I needed to get things off of my chest. Do I feel better than I did 10 months ago? Yes, and that is all that matters I know, but I have a KID coming and I want to be healthy, but I am so unmotivated right now. I need someone to slap me or something.I am currently weighing in at 247, with a goal of 220 by my birthday in October. I ran in my third 5k since the weight loss started last week and I finished in 32 minutes and again I was alittle emotional crossing the finish line... Call me a Pansy if you want, but again the thought of being able to do that still baffles me. The picture is from the finish line of that race. I want to do a half marathon but I am scared. We ran with weights one night at boot camp and I was running with two 15 pound kettlebells and I couldn't believe that I used to do that everywhere I went. So uncomfortable. I guess I just wanted to unload tonight instead of looking at business manuals on growing my company. If you have faced this blah feeling and conquered it please let me know how you did it... I am tired of being disappointed in myself.
So instead of ending on that negative note..... Let's take a look at my kids feet... he has two of them!
Wednesday, March 7, 2012
What am I doing????
Let me preface this entire post with a little disclaimer for my current customers... I love my job, I love my company, and I love shooting weddings and all the other projects I have been doing... now that I have said that... Watch this video...
What am I doing? The last few months, it has been weighing heavily on my heart that I need to use my talents and skills for something POWERFUL. Something that will have a lasting effect. Something like the video above that had me mad, fired up, sad, excited, and a ton of other emotions all at once. I had heard and even joked about the name of the above charity numerous times without ever even thinking to look up what it is all about, and then when I talked to Caty about going on a trip and shooting she brought up this charity. Again, I didn't even think to research it, and silently laughed at the name in my head. Yesterday afternoon I saw a former student who I have kept in touch with more recently than ever tweeting about how powerful this video was. So I watched it. My jaw dropped and I immediately felt like a complete ass for even remotely laughing at the name of this group. Now, I am not saying I am going to run out and immediately throw everything I have into becoming some videographer for this specific charity, but I am feeling more and more daily that I NEED to do something.
I have been in talks with Paul Mints, my pastor at TCAL here in Mansfield, about possibly getting the possibility to go to Guatamala this summer for 8 days and capturing the truth behind the missions our church is doing. This kind of trip doesn't come cheap, and Caty and I are currently looking at ways to fund this for BOTH of us. I am not about to start asking for donations from the few that read this, but I will ask that you say a prayer for us as we make a decision on what we are going to do with this potential opportunity. Along with the cost of the trip, comes the cost of some equipment that would be vitally necessary for a video shoot of this magnitude. God has potentially opened the door for that with a company that I will be sitting in front of on Friday talking about a potentially large corporate overview video with. For some reason, I am not the slightest bit nervous about this. I feel like this is supposed to happen so that other doors open for Caty and I.
Many of you know this last month or two have been hell for both of us, but through it all we have seen so many blessings. Friends and family have shown us so much love, and some long time prayers have been answered, even if they were answered in some crazy ways. I am excited about what could possibly come from all of this.
In these times of who has more toys and money, I am at a point where I feel like it is my duty as a man and as a Christian to step up and help/love/bless others that need it. So, here goes...
-Dearing
What am I doing? The last few months, it has been weighing heavily on my heart that I need to use my talents and skills for something POWERFUL. Something that will have a lasting effect. Something like the video above that had me mad, fired up, sad, excited, and a ton of other emotions all at once. I had heard and even joked about the name of the above charity numerous times without ever even thinking to look up what it is all about, and then when I talked to Caty about going on a trip and shooting she brought up this charity. Again, I didn't even think to research it, and silently laughed at the name in my head. Yesterday afternoon I saw a former student who I have kept in touch with more recently than ever tweeting about how powerful this video was. So I watched it. My jaw dropped and I immediately felt like a complete ass for even remotely laughing at the name of this group. Now, I am not saying I am going to run out and immediately throw everything I have into becoming some videographer for this specific charity, but I am feeling more and more daily that I NEED to do something.
I have been in talks with Paul Mints, my pastor at TCAL here in Mansfield, about possibly getting the possibility to go to Guatamala this summer for 8 days and capturing the truth behind the missions our church is doing. This kind of trip doesn't come cheap, and Caty and I are currently looking at ways to fund this for BOTH of us. I am not about to start asking for donations from the few that read this, but I will ask that you say a prayer for us as we make a decision on what we are going to do with this potential opportunity. Along with the cost of the trip, comes the cost of some equipment that would be vitally necessary for a video shoot of this magnitude. God has potentially opened the door for that with a company that I will be sitting in front of on Friday talking about a potentially large corporate overview video with. For some reason, I am not the slightest bit nervous about this. I feel like this is supposed to happen so that other doors open for Caty and I.
Many of you know this last month or two have been hell for both of us, but through it all we have seen so many blessings. Friends and family have shown us so much love, and some long time prayers have been answered, even if they were answered in some crazy ways. I am excited about what could possibly come from all of this.
In these times of who has more toys and money, I am at a point where I feel like it is my duty as a man and as a Christian to step up and help/love/bless others that need it. So, here goes...
-Dearing
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