Slightly Nervous but overall pretty stoked.

The last post I wrote I have reread a few times and while the story is pretty interesting, the complaining and poor pitiful Justin crap I wrote at the end made me sound like PLB (poor little B, for those not up to speed with the Dearing acronyms we use in this house).  So I have been hitting it hard for the last week, my eating has began to come back under control... not perfect at all yet but it is WAY better than it was.  I have been to the gym, I have ran, and I have been back to the boot camp.

Again, my motivation for all this is to be a healthier me, a healthy dad, and overall happier person.  I am pretty dang happy as it is, but the stressing of teaching hormonal and sometimes disrespectful high school aged (notice I say aged, rarely do they act as old as the number states) looms right around the corner and I need to get my defenses and habits in place for when the stress hits.  That being said, I was talking with my trainer/buddy after camp the other night and he mentioned he was ready to take me to a new workout.  He mentioned that he worked with an MMA studio and asked if I wanted to relieve some stress and hit something... I said of course!  So tonight I head into this MMA studio, nowhere near the place physically that I need to be to remotely hang with these guys.  I will get to practice striking, grapplings, and all sorts of other stuff... and even may get a shot to spar, not sure!  Here's to hoping I don't puke (or if I do, I at least make it look respectable) and also I don't just get my ass kicked too insanely bad.  I love watching the UFC fights and always would say it would be fun to do... here goes nothing!

-Dearing

Good News and Bad News

Not that anyone reads this thing since I post once a year basically now, but I am sitting at Barnes and Noble at the Parks Mall reading and listening to some music and I realized that the last year has been pretty crazy.  I just celebrated one year of marriage with Caty, I got to go through quit possibly the toughest two or three months of my life with her and now we are sitting six months from the delivery date for our first child together.  Yup, January 12th, I will become a father.  This whole father business has had me thinking alot over the last 6 or 7 months.  We went through what many couples go through earlier this year, and though I don't want to get into too great of detail, it pretty much shattered both of our worlds when we found out that our excitement was premature.

Dealing with that definitely something that I did not expect to go through in the first year of marriage but in the long run it has made Caty and I better.  We are closer, we communicate better and we no longer take many things for granted.

I didn't set out for this update to be a somber reminder of the crap we have endure in the last year to get to this point at all, I actually want to look at one of the best things that has happened in the last year.  The thought of having a kid really woke me up to something I have complained and failed miserably at over the past few years and on even in previous posts on this blog.  I looked at a picture of me from the first day of school that we took because a buddy and I basically wore the same shirt and tie combo and everyone thought it was hilarious.  The picture here was taken in September, and I thought it was funny.  Then a few months later around my birthday, I saw this hideous mess again and was embarrassed.  I have never been the in shape, ripped up guy... but I haven't ever really been what I saw in that picture either.  Now I realize that at 280 in this picture it was nothing like some others including one of my closest friends Blake have gone through, but it kinda pissed me off.  Check out Blake's Story at gettingmylifeback.net.  Every person's story is different and 5 pounds can mean as much to someone as 150 pounds can in my opinion.  Blake's story is quite amazing and I still remember when he weighed in under what I was weighing and he called me a fatass... I wasn't mad at him.

Anyways, I started thinking about turning 30 and eventually (at this point it was still in the far off future) about wanting to be a healthy dad both spiritually and physically.  I set out and may have blogged about being "Fit by 30", whatever that meant...  And I hit weight watchers and the gym hardcore.  It worked, I dropped 9 or 10 pounds in the first week.  I found the miracle of losing weight.  It only took 2 months to get to a point that I felt like I didn't need to track my meals, because I was 20 pounds down and I obviously have mastered that.  Off the wagon again, luckily I didn't just totally dive back in.  During this time of being down 20 or so pounds, I ran in a 5K in Mansfield with a friend from church and got a respectable time I thought at 38 minutes.  Not bad for not running a race in over a year.  The last half mile of that race I ran with my friend who had finished and came back onto the course to finish with me.  I have ran three 5k's including the one I am talking about since I started thinking of changing my habits and I can say one thing is always a constant, whether it is exhaustion or just pure shock, I get emotional towards the end of the race... I just have trouble being confident in myself to be able to do anything other than play baseball and lift semi-heavy weights when it comes to athleticism.  I do not like running.  I am confident in almost all areas of my life but my appearance and my athletic ability anywhere other than a baseball field (and based on my stats the last few years, I should probably stop being so confident there! Ha).  So I finished that race and felt amazing... I was back on track.... for a week or two until Christmas holiday hit and it got ugly.  We found out we were pregnant and we celebrated, then Christmas hit and we celebrated that 7 or 8 times, then New Years hit and we celebrated that a few times... It was not good.

Gained some weight... like most people do.  Got pissed off and signed up for Camp Gladiator off of a Groupon I got in my email.  Went to my first camp and was afraid of being the fat guy that puked first.  Then this insanely ripped up black guy started barking orders and I was doing the workout, I was hanging in there...  I kept doing the boot camp for a month and then the bad news hit about the pregnancy. We went into recovery mode... We sheltered down for a few weeks and made sure that we took care of each other first before we worried about ourselves.  Insanely tough time but also really revealed who would be there for us through thick and thin.  I was furious, I made stupid comments to people and really hurt some friendships because I didn't know how to deal with our situation too well let alone the pain others were experiencing.  After a few weeks Caty decided she needed something to get her mind off of the last few weeks and she signed up for CG with me for the next month and she loved it.  We were eating healthy and working out and feeling better.  The weight loss was coming back SLOWLY, but it was coming.  We split from CG to work out with the aforementioned ripped black dude when he left CG and it was a great choice.  he has been a good mentor and friend to me and a great recovery for Caty.  He claims I am his project... We will see...

We have since found out that we are pregnant and we have seen multiple ultrasounds and pictures and heartbeats and everything is looking great.  We made a semi switch to paleo style eating for awhile, but with a pregnant wife thats tough.  The lowest I have gotten in my weight loss is 239 and it was right before we found out about the new baby.  There have been celebrations, vacations, work trips, and stupid sabotaging since we found out and the motivation to be a healthy dad is still very much there... part of the time...

The good news is I am still down 23 pounds, the bad news is I just am at a point where I need to reignite the fire to get it done.  I am not typing this to get a "oMG Justin you are doing so good" or "Go Get Em" or anything like that... I realized that there was a bit of anger with myself when I skipped my bootcamp tonight for some bullsh reason I made up (tired and the truck doesn't have a headlight) and I needed to get things off of my chest.  Do I feel better than I did 10 months ago?  Yes, and that is all that matters I know, but I have a KID coming and I want to be healthy, but I am so unmotivated right now. I need someone to slap me or something.

I am currently weighing in at 247, with a goal of 220 by my birthday in October.  I ran in my third 5k since the weight loss started last week and I finished in 32 minutes and again I was alittle emotional crossing the finish line... Call me a Pansy if you want, but again the thought of being able to do that still baffles me.  The picture is from the finish line of that race.  I want to do a half marathon but I am scared.  We ran with weights one night at boot camp and I was running with two 15 pound kettlebells and I couldn't believe that I used to do that everywhere I went.   So uncomfortable.  I guess I just wanted to unload tonight instead of looking at business manuals on growing my company.  If you have faced this blah feeling and conquered it please let me know how you did it... I am tired of being disappointed in myself.

So instead of ending on that negative note..... Let's take a look at my kids feet... he has two of them!

What am I doing????

Let me preface this entire post with a little disclaimer for my current customers... I love my job, I love my company, and I love shooting weddings and all the other projects I have been doing... now that I have said that... Watch this video...



What am I doing? The last few months, it has been weighing heavily on my heart that I need to use my talents and skills for something POWERFUL. Something that will have a lasting effect. Something like the video above that had me mad, fired up, sad, excited, and a ton of other emotions all at once. I had heard and even joked about the name of the above charity numerous times without ever even thinking to look up what it is all about, and then when I talked to Caty about going on a trip and shooting she brought up this charity. Again, I didn't even think to research it, and silently laughed at the name in my head. Yesterday afternoon I saw a former student who I have kept in touch with more recently than ever tweeting about how powerful this video was. So I watched it. My jaw dropped and I immediately felt like a complete ass for even remotely laughing at the name of this group. Now, I am not saying I am going to run out and immediately throw everything I have into becoming some videographer for this specific charity, but I am feeling more and more daily that I NEED to do something.

I have been in talks with Paul Mints, my pastor at TCAL here in Mansfield, about possibly getting the possibility to go to Guatamala this summer for 8 days and capturing the truth behind the missions our church is doing. This kind of trip doesn't come cheap, and Caty and I are currently looking at ways to fund this for BOTH of us. I am not about to start asking for donations from the few that read this, but I will ask that you say a prayer for us as we make a decision on what we are going to do with this potential opportunity. Along with the cost of the trip, comes the cost of some equipment that would be vitally necessary for a video shoot of this magnitude. God has potentially opened the door for that with a company that I will be sitting in front of on Friday talking about a potentially large corporate overview video with. For some reason, I am not the slightest bit nervous about this. I feel like this is supposed to happen so that other doors open for Caty and I.

Many of you know this last month or two have been hell for both of us, but through it all we have seen so many blessings. Friends and family have shown us so much love, and some long time prayers have been answered, even if they were answered in some crazy ways. I am excited about what could possibly come from all of this.

In these times of who has more toys and money, I am at a point where I feel like it is my duty as a man and as a Christian to step up and help/love/bless others that need it. So, here goes...

-Dearing

Forgot this place existed! HA

So, I kinda forgot about this webpage up until I was telling a buddy about Sons of Anarchy and how he had to give it five episodes before he quit watching. The fifth episode is the infamous Fire Or Knife episode... thus triggering my memory about a website named after that ONE episode. So here we are over 6 months since my last post. Happily married, happily running a decently successful video company, the happy owner of a slightly mental dog, and still teaching.

So whats been going on? Caty and I just hit six months of marriage on Christmas. First Christmas married. Its been a blast but at the same time it has been DRAINING. All over the place for 4 straight days made for some great sleep on Monday night. The Christmas with the Dearing's and Perkins/Holmes was the usual fun filled day of making fun of Justin. I love my family, blessed to have them! The Skinner and Davis Christmases were awesome as well. I feel very lucky to have found a wife with two families that show not only her but also me how much they care for us at the drop of a hat. Its been a great vacation from work.

I started working on my health a few months back by doing something I said I would never do. I joined Weight Watchers. I have no clue why I was so ashamed to admit it for the longest time but I guess I felt it was something for chicks. It works. I am almost down 20 pounds lost with 25 to 30 more to go. Can't say that I was 'successful' over the holiday but I did go into the break with something that David Hewitt, a friend from church told me. Christmas is only a day of eating, not a 2 week vacation. While I may have celebrated eating Christmas more that one day, I definitely didn't go nuts like I have in the past. Adding 7 to 10 pounds to my waistline was the NORM for me during the holidays in the past. Not so much this year. I am currently weighing 255, which is just 2.5 pounds more than I did when I got out of school. Still have the rest of the week to get back to where I was. The goal was to maintain over the break. Its achievable.

I must say, I have a buddy who has been kicking some major ass with weight loss. He had one of the weight loss surgeries and I have seen MANY of those fail in the past, not with this guy. He is probably showing of the strongest discipline I have seen ever now that the surgery is over. Who can SERIOUSLY sit at The Melting Pot and not touch a single thing. Props Blake.

So coming up... The Bulls return to defend our championship from last season. I hope to be a full 35 to 40 pounds lighter than I was during the championship series. Its quite possible. First game is the first week of March. Also, thinking of running the Cowtown 10k, I ran a 5k about 5 weeks into my diet and didn't realize how much easier running was with a simple 10 pound lose. The Cowtown is February 25th. So I have two months to get ready.

Well, thats about all I got. It may be 6 months before I post again... who knows...

Fire or Knife... Tonight I will take Knife!

-Dearing

IT's been awhile...

My apologies. I have been getting ready for summer, wedding, a week on the beach a million miles away, and then of course trying to turn myself back into a gym rat and failing. Many of you know I spent last summer working on a project for the district without getting any sort of payment, I just did it for my students. Let me clarify, if asked I would probably still do something free like this again for my students... but not this summer.

This summer is about 2 things. Caty and my new business. Mainly Caty though. In 9 days I get married to my best friend. I could really rattle on about friendship and my current view on friendships for a few thousand words right now but I won't. I may give ya the cliff notes later in this post. But I am genuinely excited that I AM marrying my best friend. The person that without a word can look at me and know where I am at... know how I feel... and usually fix it or realize that its a me thing and let me fix it on my own. ANYWAYS... 9 days and a women invades my house, my life, and my money. I will tell you that does not scare me one bit. I am tired of hearing things like "you will begin to die a little each day after you get married" or "Well your life is over" or "Have fun at the funeral, I mean wedding"... I am sorry if your marriage blows ass, mine seems like it will be just fine. We actually like each other. I am looking forward to the ceremony and all our family and friends coming together to party in our honor, but I am SERIOUSLY looking forward to the next day when we post up on a plane for 9 hours and get the HELL outta town. I love everyone involved in this wedding, I am thankful for each of you, and I promise none of you are annoying me or frustrating me in any way, but I totally understand why an immediate honeymoon is so vital now. I am looking forward to seeing Caty just release all the stress and energy built up from work and the wedding when we get there. I predict she will sleep 15 hours the first day, and I won't even REMOTELY try to wake her up.

I am so happy that some of my old school friends from college are getting to make the trip up for the bachelor party and the wedding. I have had some major issues with the definition of friendship lately and I still haven't really cleared all that up. I admit sometimes I am a shitty friend (ex. I told a friend that we would be DOWN for the Mavs Parade, while totally forgetting a HUGE thing I need to do tomorrow for work and wedding stuff, and I had to cancel... I Suck), I admit I need a personal assistant to walk by me and write down all the events or things I have to be at so I will stop double booking, I admit sometimes I want to sit and my desk and I want to ignore the world while I read about the Mavs NBA Championship (did you really think I wouldn't sneak that in there somewhere). But I will also admit that at the first sign of struggle or hardship in a friend's life, I will jump to help them or check on them anyway I know how.......

Wow, I just erased a five paragraph rant I went on about this whole idea of friendship and what it means to be a 'friend' and care about people genuinely... I realized I sounded like an ass and kinda bitchy... it's probably because its close to 2 am and I am running on 4 hours of good sleep. I erased it. It felt good to really get it out there even if nobody will ever get the shot to read it.

It's alittle tense in here. Anyone heard that joke about LeBron James and the time I asked for change for a dollar... he said he only had three quarters in him. Ha Get it... Yeah Funny. Look a Duck....

OUT

Summer needs to hurry.

I am usually pretty good about keeping motivated at work, but summer seriously can not get here soon enough. I am over rude students, endless paperwork, and all the babbling about the future of education. I just need a few months off to marry Caty, go on a vacation or two, sleep, work on my health, shooting, editing, making money, and SLEEEEEEPING!

I need some time off to just focus on this whole idea I have been working on for a few months now. I want to start working with wedding videos, corporate videos, or any videos people might need. I have the cameras, new computer, new software, and all that good stuff... but now I need the clients. The marketing side of things is where I am clueless. Sad thing is, I was a marketing minor and don't remember a thing about it! It does help though that my fiance has constantly been telling me that she knows the money and clients will start rolling in because I am too damn talented for them not too. I guess her encouragement is one of the few things that has kept me from folding before it starts. I have designed, redesigned, and re-redesigned my business card, I have worked countless hours on an unpublished website, and I have damn near begged some people to let me shoot their wedding for CHEAP just to get the experience and demo out there. It will happen... if it doesn't, I will at least have the awesome equipment to keep serving the church I am at and document my new family in video. There won't be anyone with better home videos than the Dearings! HA

If anyone out there knows anyone that needs a commercial, wedding, anything shot and edited... please send them my email address! justin.dearing@me.com

And I'm pissed again.

Shocker I know. I started the Insanity program and did good for about 2 days. The eating program is tough and requires so much freaking prep work. The workouts are shorter than P90x, yet I still can't fit 40 minutes into my day to do them. And the success I saw early is DEFINITELY long gone!

I am done with the excuses, I am now to a point where I won't finish the 60 days before the wedding, but I am going to restart this damn thing on Monday. No Excuses even if I have to get up at 5 am to do the effin workouts I will. Not Happy with myself at all.

Sincerely,

Pissed Off Fat Kid